Where have you gone, Joe DiMaggio?

Dear Kissinger,

I can’t stand it anymore. Seriously.

What do the kids care about today? Protecting goddamn baby seals. It’s a fucking joke. Our country is dependent on oil like a junkie is on heroin. These terrorist sandniggers have us by the goddamn balls. I’m just trying to guide us away from the drug dealer and toward the Methadone clinic — but all anyone wants to talk about is protecting the Alaskan fucking wildlife.

(Al Gore can kiss my dick, btw, for starting all this eco-minded bullshit.)

Hank, I wish I could’ve served with you and Richard back in the good ol’ days. When OPEC started fucking with us and raising prices, you played hardball — started drilling for oil in the North Sea and off the Gulf of Mexico. That’s called “fuck you!” It’s what men do. But no, these faggots today don’t get it. They think you can have it both ways. You can’t. Sensitive liberal bullshit is tolerable when things are loose; but when things get tough, you gotta bring the hammer down.

In related news, actual faggots started legally marrying each other yesterday in California. (Shaking my head.) I heard that on the new form, where it used to say “Bride” and “Groom,” it now says “Partner A” and “Partner B.” I’m sick to my goddamned stomach, Hank. I can remember a time when kids grew up with heroes like Douglas MacArthur and Joe DiMaggio. Today, you can probably buy bubble-gum cards that feature Will and Grace and Charles Nelson Reilly.

God bless America,
John

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